'I’m honoured that she trusts me to respect her boundaries without using violence, haha': A new cat owner's initial disappointment over a shy feline gives way to patient perseverance and a beautiful bond of trust that healed a heart

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Laurent Shinar • Writer and Editor
Aug 27, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

You know it is funny, we talk so much about the wonders of rescuing a cat, how grateful they are that we have chosen them for a life of freedom etc, but what often gets overlooked are the stories where hard work, time and effort are put in over long periods of time to win the trust of a cute cat child who might not have had the best start in life. The kinds of cats who have been brought up to know better than to trust and depend on hoomans.

The kind of cat who would be perfectly fine on their own and don't need no hooman to take care of them. These cats take the longest time and most dedication to convince that they are being cared for from the bottom of our hearts. And that is exactly what the heroic woman in today's story managed to do over four painfully long months.
 

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    Hello all. I joined because I would like some reassurance on the choice I've made to adopt an older cat (4 years old). She is a beautiful british shorthair that we've named Yuki. She is a retired adult from a
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    cattery and has had litters before; she is now spayed and living with us. Compared to other cats that I've owned, she is hand shy and nervous.
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    She doesn't hide anymore but she'll sit a distance away down the hall or under a table, observing. She will come out for food, treats, and wand toys, but after the session
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  • Well, can you blame the poor thing? Of course she would be wary of humans after four years in a place where they made her have children only to take them away from her. If we were this cat we would keep the same if not twice the distance she did.

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    ends, she goes back to doing her own thing (retreating to the distance away). Like many others, I had hoped for a more friendly/cuddly cat. I feel
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    that I didn't understand the way the previous owner described her and perhaps, in my excitement, did not ask more questions about her temperament. Her personality makes it hard for me to bond with her, or feel like I have a pet
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    that is part of my family this makes me feel guilty as I know every cat is different, but I do feel - some disappointment for possibly "choosing the wrong cat".
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    Hello, all. I felt compelled to write an update to the post I made several months ago about adopting a shy/scared cat. THERE IS HOPE! For me, this happened around the 4~6 month mark, but Yuki and I have
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    finally reached the coveted milestone of trust. When I adopted my British Shorthair, Yuki, at the age of 4 years old, she
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    arrived terrified and spent most of her days hiding. When she did come out, she was scared of anything moving too fast, darting back under the couch or table for cover. I
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    could not even move my hand above her without her flinching or panicking. Petting her, even in the spots she liked (she loves her cheeks and head scratched), would cause her fear and she would
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  • Differences in expectations are a tough thing to deal with. On the one hand you have the pawrent who just wants to share love with their cat child and on the other you have the cat who is still getting used to the idea of even being touched. But as long as there is willingness from both sides it is safe to say that they will meet in the middle eventually. 

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    lash out and attempt to scratch. Getting her into a carrier for a vet visit resulted in bloody hands and arms. I have scars on my forearm from one such attempt, the battle marks of a cat owner. She
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    Cheezburger Image 10546278912
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    was every bit the difficult cat and advice such as "burrito her" would prove useless as she would always squirm, scratch and flee.
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    As we all may already know, every cat is different. Some cats take to us immediately, becoming our fast friends right from the start.
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    However, this is not always the case. AND WE UNDERSTANDABLY feel DISAPPOINTED, GUILTY, and left might wondering if we "picked the right cat" or are "doing something wrong". These thoughts
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    are NORMAL! I felt those exact feelings, and yes I admit, rehoming her did briefly flash through my mind - however, I chose not to do so. I made the
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    choice to accept that, even if she was always skittish, I would let her live out the rest of her life fed and cared for under my roof.
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    I respected her boundaries and continued to give her affection on her terms, always ending a brief petting session with a favourite treat. I
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    continued to play with her (she loves feather wand toys) and speak to her using a calm, gentle voice from a distance.
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    Slowly, I noticed a change in her behaviour. This happened gradually...
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    Around the 4 month mark, as I was petting her after serving her breakfast in the kitchen, I heard a miraculous sound. She was purring!!! I could not believe my ears. That was the first time I ever heard her purr.
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    After that, dear Yuki started becoming more brave. She wouldn't bolt away at noises, even if they alarmed her. Her reaction/recovery time shortened and she became more confident. I began training her to allow me to pick her up
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    and while she dislikes this, she allows me a few seconds before letting me know she has had enough. I am able to stroke her anywhere, and she can enjoy being a spoiled kitty without fear that she will be harmed.
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    P.S. I am overjoyed that Yuki no longer desires to scratch me! Yesterday, she swatted at me without claws to let me know she wasn't comfortable with the petting. I am
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    honoured that she trusts me to respect her boundaries without using violence, haha.
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patient healing bond disappointment heart respect without violence shy cat stories honor reddit story cat owners feline boundaries trust
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